The Best 5 Things to Do for Your Relationship

1. "Stop all shame, blame, and criticism. Instead ask for what you want in a clear, specific, and positive manner, and express appreciation for your partner. To elaborate: Men need to feel competent—that they make a contribution and that it is noticed. They like to be told what 'behavior' makes you happy. Since men tend to express affection by doing things, you should interpret their actions as love. When men know what to do and are acknowledged for it, they tend to keep doing it." — Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want
2. "Change from a critical habit of mind, in which you're very involved with your partner's mistakes, to a positive one, in which you catch him doing something right. Notice one small thing, and express genuine appreciation. That will change your interaction patterns from escalating negativity and criticism to building a culture of appreciation." — John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
3. "When your relationship starts to break down, you need AAA: an Apology, Affection, and a promise of Action. You say you're sorry for what you've said or done to hurt or disappoint your partner. You immediately offer a hug, a kiss—some meaningful gesture of warmth. You pledge to do something that matters to your partner ('From now on, I will…'). And, of course, you stick to that. This whole AAA thing can take two minutes, but in that time you've healed the past, built a bridge to the present, and created hope for your future." — Mira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of The Weekend Marriage
4. "With books on the market like How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, one of the greatest services you can do for a guy is to reassure him that he doesn't have to make love like a porn star. You can show him how to have sex like a woman: creative, sensual, non-genital-based, and more pleasure- than orgasm-focused. Lead him to an experience that goes beyond his penis and makes him fully engaged—mind, body, and soul." — Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First
5. "All relationships grow a bit stale as time goes by, and the longer-lasting they are, the staler they can get. The best thing you can do is pump in some fresh air. A long weekend in a romantic hideaway would be ideal, but even a few hours in a motel helps. Don't tell anyone where you are, turn off your cell phones, and unplug the TV. When you get home, you'll find your relationship has acquired ruddy cheeks." — Dr. Ruth Westheimer, psychosexual therapist and author of 52 Lessons on Communicating Love

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Money, youth and sex

Comprehensive new research from Relationships Australia touched on a number of categories when it comes to sexual activity and one of the most interesting revelations was that wealthy people appear to have more sex than those in lower income categories, according to The Advertiser.

The fact is that the richer a person is, the more likely he or she is to be sexually active. Australian participants who were in households that made $80,000 or more had almost double the chance of regularly engaging in sex compared to people making $60,000 or less. Forty-four percent of those in the latter group had sex on a regular basis, while 81 percent in the former category did the same.

The real surprise may have come in the form of how much people are having sex these days. In a culture saturated with the idea and image of knocking boots and hook-up "relationships" seemingly running rampant on college campuses, one might think that sex itself may be at a zenith of popularity.

The findings of the study challenge this impression. Overall, the number of times Australians have sex seems to have dropped by 3 percent since 2008. Those aged 25 to 34 appeared to be getting the brunt of this jaded attitude toward sex. Despite their inclination toward social media and other online outlets for relationships, this age group reported being the loneliest of all. The only demographic that experienced growth in sexual activity was Australians aged 70 and over – a quarter of respondents reported having intercourse, up from 17 percent in 2008.

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Over-50s warned of increased HIV risk

Baby boomers are expected to change the standards of retirement in almost every way. Some will stay on the job for longer, some will travel or spend time with grandkids and all the while, many will be sexually active. In a time where healthy aging has taken a new spotlight in society, this shouldn't come as a surprise. However, there are some rising concerns about sexual health prompted by a new wave of mature adults who are still playing field.

This may be a problem due in part to an increasing number of boomer divorces. In 2007, a quarter of all Americans who went through a divorce had been married for 20 or more years, according to the U.S. Census.

These aren't necessarily crisis divorces. Most of them are simply born out of a change in lifestyle. "They tend to be less acrimonious," attorney Ron Ousky, told The Star Tribune."[There's] a little more of a sense of, 'Let's try to keep what we have. We want to be able to go to graduations and weddings and bar mitzvahs or whatever for our grandkids.'"

Whatever the case, more boomers have started to explore their sexuality, but not without consequences. Since the generation is often not using condoms for protection, there has been a rise in common STDs, and now, HIV cases.

The United Kingdom recently issued a warning about the topic and officials are considering the launch of a campaign aimed at older adults who are still sexually active. The Mirror reports that the rate of HIV infection in Britain is the second-highest in Europe. At least 27,000 women have the disease.

"The number of cases in the older age group are going up significantly," professor Jane Anderson told the publication

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Sex each day can keep the doctor away

When one thinks of exercise, sex isn't the first possible activity that leaps to mind. However, more research shows that regularly knocking boots with a partner can help maintain men's health both short-term and long-term.

For example, research has shown that having sex once or twice a week can help improve the immune system, so you won't get sick quite as often. "Moderately frequent sex enhances immune function, and may help prevent illnesses such as the common cold," lead researcher Carl Charnetski told AARP.org.

The more often people have sex – both men and women – the lower their blood rate. In part, this may be due to the fact that it can help with relaxation. Intercourse is similar to deep massages. This kind of relaxation has been associated with lower pain, stress, depression and arthritis, the website reports.

Frequently getting down and dirty also protects your heart. A British study found that the more times a man had sex, the less likely he was to suffer a heart attack. A higher number of orgasms may also reduce the risk for prostate cancer, according to findings from The National Cancer Institute. Men who ejaculated 21 times a month or more were found to have a 33 percent lower chance of developing the condition than peers who reported ejaculating seven times a month.

AARP.org reports that sex is considered a "key element" to prolong longevity, especially when one takes into account the benefits of regularly engaging in the activity. However, it's important to remember that knowing how to use a condom is another important part of intercourse. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommend using contraceptives each time one has sex to lower the risk for common STDs.

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Sexuality counselor talks fetishes

Sexuality counselor Ian Kerner recently wrote on CNN.com that, due to his profession, people always ask him about the strange fetishes and passions that couples have had, and what the weirdest one was. He explains that most of the problems he deals with are run-of-the-mill sexual health issues – from "mismatched" libidos to premature ejaculation.

The small percentage of people who do seem to have a hardcore preference for certain routines in the bedroom are more often men than women. "That’s not to say that women lack their own unique turn-ons and turn-offs," Kern writes, "nut when it comes to, say, having a favorite fantasy versus having an obsession in which all sexual pleasure is almost exclusively derived from a single object, body part or sex practice, more men seem to fall in the latter category."

It's not necessarily the fetish that's interesting, but how these quirky preferences develop in the first place. Kerner states that many psychologists believe that there is some kind of early "imprinting" that occurs in childhood that sets the bar for sexual activity later in life.

Couples are generally torn between trying to suppress the fetish itself or adapt to it.

"If people are disturbed by them, they could explore what the unconscious interpretation of the fetish is for them. Then they can experiment with another representation of that meaning that they can then assign erotic feelings," writes Dr. Madeleine Castellanos, according to Kerner.

The bottom line is that, as long as both partners are ready to accommodate each other, then there shouldn't be a problem. Open communication can be the key to making sure that everyone is safe, comfortable and fulfilled. Just remember – whatever you happen to prefer in the bedroom – it's always wise to use a condom to avoid the risk of common STDs and other serious diseases, according to The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. 

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Teens more likely to engage in risky sex when depressed

A new study published in the Journal of Psychology, Health & Medicine has found that depression may lead to a lack of safer sex practices among teenage girls, according to Psychology Today.

Over a 12-month period, Dr. Puja Seth and colleagues specifically examined depression symptoms and the sexual behavior of African-American girls. Those who were depressed were less likely to request that a partner wear a condom, the news source reports. They were generally found to have more sexual partners and engage in intercourse while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

The website proposes that one of the reasons that depression can lead to riskier sexual behavior is because doing things like using a condom or resisting a partner's advances can seem like too much effort. A teen's self-esteem may also be lower, so she doesn't feel that her health is worth protecting.

Another recent study showed similar results, as depressed teens seemed more likely to have sex without condoms or other contraceptives. This appeared to be true even when depressed and non-depressed teens were equally aware of how protection could prevent common STDs and pregnancy.

Talking about teen sexual behaviors can be a difficult subject for any parent. Experts suggest that when having the conversation, it's important not to show adamant disapproval of the habits. Instead, try to back up personal beliefs with solid facts that can act as a deterrent for future behavior.

The most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open, so if a teen is experiencing a problem while sexually active, he or she can turn to a parent for help. Theresa Crooks writes in The Morovia Patch that mothers and fathers should stay age-appropriate when discussing subjects of sexuality.

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Talking to Teens about Sex Tips

Where do you begin?Sex is a natural part of life, but it’s not always a comfortable subject to approach with your teens.

So, how do you approach the “big talk” without embarrassment? What do you say? Should you wait? Or just hope for the best? Actually, the best piece of advice we can give you is to make sex an ongoing conversation with your teens. This is one “mystery” you don’t want them solving themselves. Here are some facts, figures, and a few simple guidelines to help you get through it all.

What’s a parent to do? Talk … and, more importantly, listen! Keep the channels of communication open.

You play a big role in how your teen views sex. That’s why it’s important you be there with plenty of understanding and information. Here are a few tips to make this confusing – and pivotal – time in your teen’s life easier on both of you.

• Encourage conversation. Many teens will never ask about sex, so it’s important you approach them before a crisis arises. Think through your own values about sexuality: What messages do you want to give your children about love, gender roles, pregnancy, etc?
• Be aware of outside influences. What are they teaching your child at school, church, or youth groups about sexual education? It may provide a springboard for your conversations, and make things go a lot easier.
• Share your feelings. In addition to giving facts, share your feelings, values, and beliefs about sex.
• Be sure to tell your child why you feel that way. Telling children the “why” behind values teaches them to think. And when they share their feelings … listen closely.
• Balance the positives with the negatives. While it’s important your child knows the negative information about sex (i.e., sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDS, and unwanted pregnancy), you should balance your approach with positive information. Tell them sexuality is natural and healthy, and in loving relationships, intimacy can be a wonderful part of adult life.

Okay, so now you know how to talk to your teen. But will he or she go out and have more sex because of it? And what do you say about protection? With all the “false” information out there, you need to have the facts – and nothing but the facts.

• According to the World Health Organization, there is no evidence that sex education encourages sexual experimentation or increased activity. On the contrary … if any effects of sex education were observed, almost without exception, it is the postponement of sexual intercourse and/or effective use of contraceptives.
• Abstinence is sure protection against unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). But there is no reliable evidence that abstinence-only programs change students’ knowledge, attitudes, or behavior.
• When used consistently and correctly, a latex condom is the most effective barrier contraceptive available today. However, condom failure is often due to improper use. To help solve this problem, LifeStyles Brand Condoms has introduced Discs with unique packaging that ensures proper use, since every condom is packed right side up for an easy-on, correct fit.
• The fact is, sex education provides teens with correct information so they can make informed decisions. And, while abstinence is a sure way to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy, LifeStyles Brand latex condoms are the best protection if they do decide to have sex.

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